my story

If there is one thing that I have learnt in my short life span, it's that the path to pursuing your God-given dreams will always hold obstacles, but no matter what, never give up because there is a great reward that you will receive on the other end if you do not give up. 

Mark 9:23 “anything is possible for the one who believes."                                                                                

“Ronteé, sorry but we don’t have the money for it,” is what my parents would say to me whenever I asked them why something couldn’t be done for me and my brothers while growing up. I was always the one to ask “Daddy, how come we never went away?” or “Daddy, how come I never went to the dentist for a checkup?” or “Daddy, I need new clothes! How come we have such little clothes?” Much to my annoyance, every single time, my curious questions were met with “Ronteé, we just don’t have the money for it.” Consequently, as time passed by and my brothers and I got older, you can imagine that I learnt to expect this same line whenever I needed something. 

When I was twelve years old, I had a big dream of having my own book publishing company. I absolutely loved to read, write and escape from the real world inside my imagination and so all my summer days were spent reading books and writing stories, entertaining myself with my imagination and other people’s imaginations. This love for the world of storytelling developed fiercely into a passionate desire to help other writers who might have been talented but overlooked to become successful. I was only twelve years old, but this desire grew strong in my heart because I already knew that Barbados wasn’t a wealthy place and that there were not too many doors of opportunities here for creative people to become successful. So as I got older, the dream held fast to my heart and joined itself together with my other dream to become an international best-selling author. 

By the time I turned 18 and finished studying Mass Communications at BCC, I was still very much focused on the dream. I had just earned my associate's degree and had a plan to go straight to university to study entrepreneurship management. Why? Because I was never letting go of what was planted in my heart at age twelve. It was my every intention to study to own a publishing company, and nothing would stop me. However, when I discovered that a B.Sc. in management at UWI involved courses that did not align with what I could bring to the table, I became heavily frustrated, worried, and disappointed. How on earth was I going to establish my publishing company without knowing how to manage a business? However, God had a better plan for my life. After I earnestly prayed about what I should do, God led me to study Literature in English at University (something I had no desire to do by the way because I was still very focused on my original plan.) 

However, can I tell you that deciding to follow God without knowing where He is going to take you is one of the best decisions that you can make in your life? 

I knew it was God answering my prayer when the next day, my aunt called to say, "hey Ronteé, just thought I'd call to give you some advice. You don't have to study management to own a business. Literature is a better field for you as a writer."  

Studying for a B.A. degree in Literature in English never once crossed my mind but it pleasantly surprised me. In that field, not only did God develop my writing skills some more but I met some of the best lecturers who not only taught me well but spoke positive words into my life, proclaiming with confidence that someday, I would become a famous author.

Do you see how it's all connected? God smartly confirmed the dreams that I had ever since I was a young preteen and teenager on the path that He called me to take at University. This is noteworthy. When God gives you a dream, expect Him to confirm it. 

Apart from this, two more significant things occurred in my life along God's path for my life at University. 

• "Lord, you know everything there is to know about me. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence!" Psalm 139: 1-3 TPT.

I was raised in the church since I was a baby and later gave my life to God and got baptized at twelve years old without really understanding what I was doing. I went to church on Sundays but I never knew God personally. Even when I was 18 and followed God to study Literature at UWI, I didn't know Him personally. I just knew He existed. I would talk a lot about Him but I didn't know Him as my closest, most scrumptious friend.

It was before God came into my life in a real way that I started to write my first romance novel at 16 years old. I tried to write this book as appealing as possible, just like all the other romance novels I saw on a free reading app called Wattpad. For three years straight I tried to write this novel. I included all the sexually detailed scenes because the world told me that sex sells but something still felt off. On top of this, I struggled a lot with heavy depression. It wasn't because of school but because I felt so alone as if no one truly saw me or desired to be with me in a way that would make me feel whole. Even though I had family and friends around me, I still felt unknown. I wanted to feel constantly seen, chosen, special and loved but I didn't know it was a connection with Jesus that I was desperately longing for so I began looking for it in men - men who only mentally and emotionally abused me and betrayed my trust until I felt like trash. It was only when I was 19 years old that I had my first encounter with God in a real way. And now I will take the time to say thank you God for rescuing me! 

I was still battling with depression but things began to slowly turn around when a counsellor from church told me to learn my identity in Christ and stick it somewhere in my room where I could see it all the time. This task sounded pleasant to me so I eagerly began looking for some suitable stationery to use at home but I didn't find any. 

Disappointed, I thought to myself "if only I had some sticky notes," and I kid you not, the very same week when my father and I went by my grandmother's house, my gran said she had something for me. Quickly, she disappeared inside and came back out with a pack of yellow sticky notes in her hand and right away, my breath caught. 

"Gran, how did you know I needed sticky notes?" I asked, completely bewildered. 

"Oh?" Gran half laughed, looking just as confused as I was. "I didn't know. It must've been God! The church gave me these but I had no use for them so I decided to give them to you." 

My heart skipped a few beats and for the first time in a long time, my spirit sprang to life and a smile shone forth on the outside of me. God was listening to my thoughts?? Since when? I didn't even have to pray for the sticky notes! Just my thoughts mattered to Him and it was then, that for the first time in my life, I felt seen. 

• "Following God without knowing where He is going to take you is one of the best decisions that you can make in your life."

After the sticky note moment, I earnestly gave my life to Christ for the second time and got re-baptized. I slowly started spending more time with God and when I turned 20, I suddenly felt the urge to get back to writing my novel. I felt confident that I was going to write a marathon and get further along with the plot but much to my dismay when I sat down to write, I just ended up staring at the screen for hours on hours. I just couldn't understand it!! Absolutely no ideas were coming to mind! Utterly confused and frustrated, I prayed and asked "God why can't I get this book finished?" 

And almost as if He was there freakishly waiting for me to call to Him, I heard God's voice strongly whisper in my spirit saying "you should come and write for me instead." 

To say I was amazed is an understatement. In the back of my mind, I was like, did God just speak to me? But deep inside my heart and soul, I knew it was Him and His request was all I needed to hear. Eagerly, I got up and followed Him. Up to this day, I don't know how to explain it, but it was like His calling gave me the energy I needed to scrap the novel I was trying to write for 4 years and start a new one. I didn't have a clue what I was going to write about for my new book but instantly as if God was downloading in my spirit, a complete plot for a new story began. Now, today, I get to call my book the one that God helped me to write within 6 months because that's literally how it went. I changed from being a girl struggling to write a novel for 4 years to being a girl who completed one for God within 6 months. How insane is that?

God's so very interesting!

• Naysayers may try to get you down but “anything is possible for the one who believes."  Mark 9:23

Receiving first-class honours was never something that I had on the list of things for myself. I didn’t even know degrees with honours existed. I was simply following God to study for a degree that I had no desire to do in the first place. However, in my final year at UWI, God brought the entire thing to my awareness when a friend started talking about wanting a first-class honours degree. The details of it interested me so much that right away, I asked God to receive first-class honours too. Subsequently, when I got home that evening, I wrote in my journal "I will receive first-class honours" even though my grades were not yet up to par when I checked them online. At the time I was only in a position to receive second-upper class honours but who can stop God? My God took it upon Himself to show me His greatness in an extraordinary way.  

Over the next few months, I started to work extra hard to receive good grades in my final semester. I was determined to lift my grades and receive first-class honours the only way I knew how but just when I thought I was doing well, I received a failing grade in one of my courses. Huh???? 

I had never failed anything in my life! And to make matters worse, I had failed this course by just 1 or 2 marks right when I was pursuing the goal to receive first-class honours! Why was this happening to me? I remember frantically asking a favourite lecturer if I could still receive first-class honours and he said "no, I'm afraid second class honours will be the best you can receive now." I know he meant well but my dream could have been completely crushed by his words had I not stubbornly believed it was still possible somewhere deep inside my heart.

Over the next few days, faith and fear battled inside of me and determination like never before drove me to request a second review of my failing grade to see if I could somehow get a pass. I met with the lecturer who failed me to discuss my chances of receiving a pass because I had only failed by one or two marks, right? Surely he could pass me! But my efforts failed. In utter frustration, I began to dislike this lecturer who in my mind, was being completely hard-hearted and unfair and began to worry and sulk at home. It was like this for the entire day until my mother came into my room and said, "Rontee, do you remember how God turns things around for good? Read Romans 8:28."

Her words were an encouragement that kept me holding on to hope and in the end, I saw how receiving a failing grade was actually what I needed the most. Even though it required me to return to the University for one more semester while all my friends were graduating, it was in this semester that I received the marks I needed to get myself in the position to receive first-class honours. Although the lecturer who failed me was being completely unfair,  God was able to turn it around for my good. That lecturer unknowingly did me a huge favour! I got As in the two extra courses that I needed to do to graduate, which was what allowed me to possess and own the answer to my prayer of getting first-class honours.

Can you see it? I was never going to be able to get it had I not gotten a failing grade. This is my second message for you. If you feel like you are failing at something, God still has a plan for your life. He can use failure to launch you into His better plan and purposes for your life.